Unimportant Counterfactuals

Ken writes:
If I were the manager of a small bohemian performance arts venue that was considering introducing a ‘three strikes’ policy to discourage people from disrupting performances with inconsiderate coughing, my slogan would be:
‘One cough, Two cough, Far cough.’

If I were a shopkeeper in Bradford specializing in (South) Asian ladies’ attire, I’d call my place
‘Burka King.’

If I were a stand up comedian, I’d perform behind large plexi-glass screens.

Thank you very much. You’ve been wonderful.

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