Still here

Dot writes: I keep starting posts and then thinking “well, that’s not very interesting” or “hmm, not sure where to go from here”, and then getting called away to deal with a lego emergency (“plane broken, Mummy!”) or pay proper attention to a bored baby, and then not finishing. I’ve been spending too much time reading blogs by people who can really write and getting self-conscious/over-ambitious. And, to be honest, I’ve also been feeling a bit tired and low. I’m worried about going back to work (horribly soon now), not sure I remember how to do my job or can rediscover the research momentum I have utterly lost over the last couple of baby-soaked years. Also, although the boys will be with their Dad and not in a creche, I still dread leaving them. Ken is probably just as good at looking after them as I am, but it’s very hard to relinquish control. They are my babies and if anybody’s going to run out of energy at 4pm and plonk them in front of the telly I want it to be me. Sniff. Bad sleep doesn’t help either. Frank actually slept through a few nights ago, but he hasn’t repeated this feat, and Hugh is stuck in a getting-up-at-ten-to-six groove that we are finding somewhat wearing. Ugh.

Anyway, Frank wants me. Must stop now.


6 thoughts on “Still here

  1. Helen Conrad-O'Briain

    Take a deep breath and remember it is February; the Lord God Almighty probably feels down and very tired.
    On the bright side:
    1. You have two boys who are probably going to be impossible to drag out of bed sooner than you think – and they are pretty decent little guys.
    2. You have a permanent post.
    3. You have, relatively speaking, a reasonable commute.
    4. Your childcare is in the hands of a highly reliable Ph.D. in philosophy – Padraig had to rely on a mere MMS whose Latin at that point had gone all to bits.
    I will also pay him the complement that he is an extremely good cook.
    5. I was six – no seven years – out of academia and the research instincts slammed back into gear pretty quick. Mind you it helped having a child (just before her fourth birthday) attempting to discover whether the variants in Hansel and Gretel pointed back to a fuller ur-version or if the longer versions were attempts to accommodate variants. I tried to distract her with the lieder theory of Beowulf. It didn’t work.
    6. We are all looking forward to having you back, none more so than myself –
    7. and not just because we are only four weeks into a by-our-lady twelve week term.
    Back to the ironing and Egil’s Saga.
    Helen COB

  2. I don’t blame you for being apprehensive about returning to work, hard when your children are young. Sounds like they’ll be in more than capable hands so at least you don’t need to worry about that. Getting your brain in gear for work must be tricky too. And as for not finishing posts, I say finish them off and publish them. Just go for it and don’t worry about whether you think it’s boring or not. Other people will be the judge of that and I’m sure they’ll be more interested than you think!

    1. Dot

      Hugh always seems fairly happy about it (5.35 this morning, please let this stop…) I suspect that when you get up at ten to six you don’t start shouting “Mummy! Mummeeeee! Milk! Dinosaur!” etc.

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